Learning To Be Me
Have you ever seen the movie “The Runaway Bride”? With Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. Great movie. Do you remember how Richard’s character pointed out to Julia’s character that she couldn’t ever marry a guy because she didn’t know who she really was? That she didn’t even know what kind of eggs were her favorite? She had to learn who she really was before she could move on in her life. That’s where I am; learning who I really am. Learning to be me. I have two journey’s that I have begun in the last year, and I think they go hand in hand to my learning to be me. My first journey is my weight-loss journey. I have lost 75 pounds since March of 2010 and still have about 40 more to go. As long as I can remember I have been over-weight. Now I’m so close to being where I have always dreamed of being and it terrify’s me. For so long I have used my weight as a shield of protection. It has helped me keep people at arm’s length. It allowed me to not grow too close to people because in my head I didn’t love myself so how could I believe anyone else could love me? And as long as I believed no one really loved me then I would never have to worry about being hurt. Which leads to my second journey, my becoming a Christian journey. Like Julia’s character in the movie, for a long time now I have said and done things as a Christian because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do, what people expected me to do. I had so many things burried deep inside me but I kept piling more dirt on top of them to keep them burried, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it. And as long as I did and said the things people expected, then they wouldn’t ask about the things that I struggle with and I would never have to drudge them up and work through them. So what do these two journey’s have in common? I can’t hide anymore; I can’t just continue to go through life not knowing who I really am. These journey’s are allowing me to learn who I can be. They are giving me a unique opportunity to become the person that I really am. To embrace the life that God has created for me. It’s like a butterfly emerging from a cacoon. What I will become after persisting through these journey’s will not be anything like who I was going into them. I get to recreate myself and be who I have always wanted to be. My past will no longer dictate who I am. It has helped mold me, or mold the cacoon that I’m in, but it will not decide what I will look like when I come out. I’m going to figure out what eggs are my favorite. I’m going to learn to be me.
Wow. I love the honesty of this post. I realize that in my own life I actually sabotage my own success simply because I don’t think I am worthy of or in reality a success. It is a crazy notion that makes no sense, but after reading your post I am assured that indeed we have to become comfortable with who we are, both success and failure.